The first of my two things

I've had an idea kicking around my head for a while and decided it'd be the first of my writing.

I hadn't written in lo these many shameful months, and it's a horrible feeling. I don't know the reason I get incredibly down and delinquent on my writing. It's weird. I start to feel as if anything I type will be cursed, and my computer will spontaneously vomit and explode if I open a Word doc.

Stoopid.

But I started writing my thing (the first of two!) this week, and my computer didn't react negatively.

It took a bunch of coaxing and cajoling and cursing for me to finally get my AIS (don't ask me how many games it took to get my Minesweeper score to 18%), but I did.

I think my promise of a sex scene was what got me to my goal today.

Which was strange because yesterday I was talking to my characters inside my head (because actually talking to them would be too odd) and pleading with them to let me get to know them. Then today I say, "Aha, you will have the sexxing!"

Kind of rude to do to people I've been ignoring for a long time.

Once again, I forgot how could it felt to write. I forgot how it makes the day and the upcoming days seem golden. I don't know why I let myself give up this pleasure.

That's the kicker. I do it to myself. No one forces me to forgo my writing.

Ah well...I'll chalk it up to thanatos and try to avoid the pitfall for a while.