I keep on meaning to do a yearly reflection because the end of the school year is closer to what New Year's Eve is supposed to be; however, I always forget that the end of the year brings a crap-ton of doubt and evil thoughts. Who can reflect under those conditions?
Last week was such an unholy mixture of bright spots and black spots that on Wednesday my brain threw up its hands and decided to melt down.
The good: moments of pure joy as I planned for next year's classes- I'm excited about my new schedule, the grace and kindness I witnessed in students, a couple of e-mails from parents that warmed my heart, and the feeling of just kicking back and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow teachers.
I should list specifics, but in all honesty, it's taken me a lot to write this post.
The bad: shit from the administration, shit from students, shit from parents, and the persistent doubt in my abilities as a teacher and a functioning human being.
Wednesday night I couldn't really do anything but cry. I felt like I was cracked and one more thing would shatter me. The only comforting thought was that I hadn't shattered, but holding myself together from the inside was taking everything I had.
Teacher insomnia also decided to have its merry way with me, and by Thursday, I didn't even try to sleep. Instead of staying in bed, I re-read some Nora Roberts and dicked around on the computer until it was time to get ready for school.
I could blame the full moon, the lunar eclipse, or PMS, but that seems like a cop out. I guess one of my goals for next year should be to end the year without letting the end of the year best me.