Saturday, August 20, 2011

Netflix- you are the cruelest sometimes

Could someone tell me why SAY ANYTHING isn't on instant watch? I wanted to get my Lloyd Dobler on, and I'm a bit pissed at being thwarted.

Would it kill them to put it up there? Especially since they want to go to all digital.

In my wanderings, I did find out that they have the entire season/series of MY SO-CALLED LIFE on streaming, and I'm trying very hard to talk myself out of a marathon. I don't need to spend the next 19 hours in a teenage wasteland.

I have to admit, I'm sorely tempted. Jordan is so pretty. Rickie is such a great best friend. Rayanne is a delightful mess.

But I must be strong.

That sounded wrong

Despite my wangsting to the contrary, my brother's son was a good baby.

As a matter of fact, compared to my new standard* of judging children, he was an awesome tyke.


*My new standard** is going by little Mikey from TRUE BLOOD. So yes, seeing as my nephew didn't pop a blood vessel in my eye, didn't write disturbing messages on the wall, and didn't set the house on fire, I'd say he was downright perfection.

**My old standard is Damien Omen, although I can't really remember him as a baby/toddler, but the kid was evil. Between THE OMEN and THE SHINING, I've been freaked out by little kids riding Big Wheels. Either they're getting up to some shit in a haunted hotel or just waiting for you to climb a ladder before knocking you the hell off it. Man, I'm glad Big Wheels fell out of fashion.

I do refer to the kid in THE OMEN as Damien Omen, and I swear people in my family do too.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I don't care if they're not real...

They're spectacular.

My new timesink is Texts from Last Night.

Hours of amusement made of solid gold.

The posts almost make me want to get a cell phone* because I have the feeling everyone around me is writing and receiving awesome texts, and I am missing out.

The posts also confirm that people out there are living lives that span the full spectrum of epic.


*I should just say phone, but I can't. It's like I'm in one of those turn-of-the-century books where phone is written 'phone in a quaint way because the tele was left off.

Adventures in babysitting

My one-year-old nephew was up while his father was at school.

Everyone kept on saying what a good baby he is. The best: good-natured, even-tempered, a regular little effing angel.

You know what? A good baby is still a baby. A good baby is still prone to shitting, peeing, puking, and drooling.

That's why I teach high school. A good teenager is polite, friendly, hard working, and just might change the world.

A good baby can't even change his own diapers.

Whilst the little cherub was here, I caught a lot of subtext from my family about the superiority of women who have children over women who don't. Just little rancid whiffs of bias.

Just enough to make me a freaking basket case when I was tapped for baby-sitting. I had a panic attack while feeding the kid- convinced that I had cut his food wrong, not only wrong but into the optimal size and shape for choking (he lived).

When he started crying and wouldn't stop, I was certain his baby spidey sense had picked up on my childlessness state, and my lack of motherhood had broken his good nature into a thousand pointed shards.

So I started crying with him.*

Eventually he stopped, and when my other brother arrived to take over baby duty, I told him what happened, and he said, "Yeah, he gets moody."

1. Those were some of the sweetest words anyone in my family has ever said to me.
2. Would've been nice to know that.
3. See? Perfect babies are still drags.


*I was having a hard week, but no one believes that someone who's on summer vacation can have a hard week, and while I don't ask people to sympathize (because pretty much the rest of the world doesn't have two months of vacation), I do offer that even if I were on summer vacation and spent the whole time riding a unicorn and getting hickeys from Ryan Gosling, I would still get the blues.

I will cut a bitch or make her a sandwich

Two things about the concert:

1. I was sitting next to a total douche. He was quite the asshole even during the concert, but after the show was over and ten thousand people were trying to leave, he started pushing me. I turned around and said, "Really? Pushing me is not going to get you out of here faster." Then he said, "C'mon, move. Time is money."

I said, "You're going to go headfirst down those stairs if you don't keep your fucking hands off me."

When my sister Ella shot me a concerned look, I told her, "I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of him."*

He stopped pushing me and even stepped back a few feet because that's what you do when someone gives you the crazy.

2. After the show and in the parking lot waiting for the cars to clear, I jumped up to help two people who were having a hard time getting into traffic. I hate trying to maneuver out of tight spots in my car (or in my self), especially when there's a crowd around, and figured that since I was there and my beer wouldn't run off, I could help.

My fantasy is that one of the drivers is friends with the douche, and when they told each other about their encounters with strangers, they would have no idea that they were talking about the same woman.


*My replies were very unlike me. Most times I keep my anti-social to myself and friends and family. However, this guy had it coming. I even let him have the armrest during the concert.

Looking back on the concert

It's comforting that when nostalgia goes wrong, nobody ends up bleeding or dead. The closest comparison is to eating stale bread (not moldy, just a bit hard) or drinking milk that's not spoiled, but not Little-House-on-the-Prairie delightful.

We missed all but two songs of Nightranger's set, but since we did catch "Sister Christian," I can't complain. "Sister Christian" was penultimate, and the last song they did was "Still Rock in America." Again, no complaints from me.

Foreigner came out ahead of the three bands because they embraced the nostalgia schtick and didn't play any new shit. The lead singer (a replacement- which kind of sucked because even though I don't know who the original singer was, I was completely invested in his being at the show) thought he was Steven Tyler, but he gave his heart to all the songs. The sax solo in "Urgent" was brutal and killed a little bit of my soul, but I gave the sax player an A for effort even though he should've brushed up on his part before the show. I didn't know musicians could forget or gravely screw up on songs they've performed hundreds of times. Yet they played "Jukebox Hero" and "Cold as Ice," which were my must-play songs, and they played the hell out of them.

"I've Been Waiting" was played as well, and as much as I tried to summon up my high school pain, I couldn't. I could actually see the humor of the situation.

One more thing about the Foreigner set: When they played "Dirty White Boys," they showed a picture of Marlon Brando, Elvis, and James Dean. And they kept on showing the same pictures. How hard would've been to get more examples of dirty white boys and/or different pictures of those paragons of dirtiness and boyness? Don't they have access to google images?

Journey made the colossal mistake of playing new shit. Bands need to understand that they should stick with the oldies because that's why the fans are there. Journey needs to stop trying to make New!Journey happen- it's not going to no matter what they do.

But they did play "Wheel in the Sky" and "Don't Stop Believing," which were my must-play songs for them.

Even though the show wasn't as good as Heart/Def Leppard, I still enjoyed the tailgating and concert. The 80s bands may be showing their wear, but I don't regret this nostalgia phase.

Two star-crossed lovers meet their fate

This here is my new best friend. Or boyfriend. Or Kenobi.

Don't laugh- our love is pure like the glass half full of rose-colored water.

What a shame two soulmates will be thwarted in this lifetime because of geography.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Mission accomplished: one week, three movies

I did go see CAPTAIN AMERICA and MIDNIGHT IN PARIS.

I liked CAPTAIN AMERICA- the lead was purty, the story was pretty solid overall, and Tommy Lee Jones did a nice job chewing the scenery (Harrison Ford should immediately netflix all of TLJ's movies to see how to grow older gracefully on the big screen). I thought the ending was kind of risky for a superhero flick, and I'm looking forward to seeing how AVENGERS turns out- it's either going to be a cluster of X-MEN III crapitude or a great surprise.

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS was a pure delight. I've never had a strong hankering to visit Paris, but with all the wonderful scenery porn, I'm leaning toward a trip. Owen Wilson wasn't annoying, and even though Rachel McAdams should beat the shit out of the costume designer (a shirtwaist, really?) and couldn't transcend her role as shrewish girlfriend, the rest of the cast acquitted themselves well. Kathy Bates was outright made of awesome as Gertrude Stein. I loved her and wanted her as my own best friend. I wouldn't even make her read my stuff.

It's interesting that Woody Allen didn't have Stein speak the way she wrote (that might've been tiresome), but Hemingway was a mixture of how he wrote and how people think he wrote. I'm not quite sure that worked.

The movie was utterly charming, and yes, I did enjoy spotting the authors and artists and even got a thrill when Owen's character interacted with them. The funny thing is that I do believe a self-absorbed person would time-travel, meet these incredible people, and then proceed to talk about himself. I'm not saying it's a good thing to do (I promise if I ever meet my idols, living or dead, I will listen to them and not monopolize the conversation), but it's completely believable.

My next movie mission: THE HELP and FRIGHT NIGHT (David Tennant, yay!).

On the book front

The book I was reading didn't get much better, but two-thirds of the way through, I checked to see if the author was indeed going to end the series in craptastic fashion. Turns out, he's not. There's more coming (I don't know how I made the mistake), and this book was a transition book.

I'm not a fan of transition books because nine out of ten, the author is sick of the character, series, and readers; it's a shit-slide down, down, down until I stop reading altogether because any love for the character has been worn away.

Although I have to say that if Charlaine Harris and Carrie Vaughn have included transition books in their series, they've done it on the sly. I haven't noticed any dips in quality.

My luck in books lately has been decidedly lacking. The last batch from the library included a whole lot of dreary writing. The sole exception was KING RAT by China Mieville. Awesome twist on the Pied Piper tale told from the POV of the rat and set in modern London. Amazing read: funny, sad, horrible (in a good way), stomach-churning (in a good way), and suspenseful. When I finished, I knew I had to order all his books- his writing needs to be owned, not borrowed.

Really, there were parts when I had to tell myself to stop admiring the craft of his writing and get back into the story.

I'm hoping my luck changes before school starts.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

There's a bad taste in my head

I'm halfway through reading the last book in a series I've followed for years. If the book doesn't get better- or if it gets worse- there's going to be a big old dent in the wall opposite the couch.

I ordered this book back in February. After coming in from shovelling a ton of snow and changing out of my cold and soggy clothes, I made a cup of coffee and bought a ton of books online. I imagined what a great freaking gift it would be to get this book in the summer.

Bah. I shouldn't have raised my hopes. What kills me is that this series is one I always recommend for people looking for urban fantasy. I love the hero and have cried gallons over his adventures. I've also revelled in his triumphs- the author has always included at least two crowning moments of awesome in each book. Moments that made me gasp and shout out loud.

Now, as the whole series comes to an end, the author has made the hero an emo, ineffectual, outright-stupid-at-times poor excuse of a character.

I'm so mad I could spit.

I'm not coming from a place of spoiled entitlement or grief transference. I believe that all good things come to an end. All I wanted was a book that stayed true to the character and world.

I'm pissed that the hero is spending valuable pages with his knickers in an angsty twist and has seemed to forgotten a major plot point of the previous book, which would put an end to all his wangsting. The author has made his characters puppets- and they were so real before- and the strings are thick and heavy with clumsy manipulation.

I tell you what, if the book stays the same or gets worse, I will pick it up from where it fell when I threw it and donate it to the library. No, I won't donate it...I'm just going to leave it on one of the shelves. I'll put the memory of it in the same heart-shaped iron box where I keep the last two ALIENS movies and all the MATRIX sequels. The book will be dead to me.

How I hope that I can come back and say the book improved and ended in way that befits this wonderful series.

I'm not holding my breath.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Let Jason Bourne make education policy

Matt Damon loves teachers, and I love him- here's an interview where he defends teacher tenure and shows that he's wicked smart.

His mom's a teacher, and there's nothing like having a teacher in the family to disabuse you of any delusion that teaching is a twinkie job.

It kills me that people actually think once tenure is achieved, teachers just sit around all day. My teaching has improved over the years, and I take pride in getting better. Tenure and more experience don't add up to automatic laziness. As a matter of fact, newness to teaching doesn't add up to energetic or innovative instruction.

The best teachers in my school have considerable experience, and some new teachers have found the shortcuts even without tenure. If a person has a work ethic, she or he has it. It doesn't disappear with job security.

Take me to the movies

This week I have the goal to see three movies: CAPTAIN AMERICA, COWBOYS AND ALIENS, and MIDNIGHT IN PARIS.

I saw COWBOYS AND ALIENS yesterday, and disappointment hit me during the last third of the movie and kept growing.

Daniel Craig is fine in the role. He can deliver crappy lines with a certain gravitas that lends them an importance or gravelly sincerity. His character is a solid embodiment of the Western archetype- solitary, morally ambiguous, and grief-stricken. Plus, he looks mighty good in chaps.

The supporting characters were fine as well: it was nice to see Sam Rockwell, Keith Carradine and Clancy Brown (you've seen him- he played the baddie in HIGHLANDER and CARNIVALE, but I think his creepiest role was as the evil father in a TV movie called LOVE, LIES, AND MURDER), and they did as much as they could with what they were given.

I don't even know what's happened to Harrison Ford. I rewatched WORKING GIRL last week and can't reconcile how clumsy his acting has become. Maybe he's in it only for the paycheck, but he should still have some expertise in acting. He used to be so good.

The last third of the movie was absolutely painful. The writers retconned Ford's villain into a crusty war vet (um, didn't he torture and kill a pretty much innocent ranch hand in the beginning of the movie?), and I'm woefully sick of all the newest movie aliens looking like kissing cousins to Cloverfield.

What potential this concept had, only to die upon execution. I'm hoping the next two movies in my goal are better.

Reason #387 for loving True Blood

This season of TRUE BLOOD has to be the strongest thus far. I picture the writers giggling in pure delight of what they're able to do for every episode.

People around the net are complaining about the number of subplots (about 12 by my reckoning), but I love the storylines for three reasons: the assorted arcs give everyone something to do (and increase the chances of showing the male characters nekkid- keep the man pelt coming!), the subplots give an incredible complexity to the show, and there's a good chance that the lines will converge into a brain-melting season finale.

I'm loving 'NesiaEric, King Bill, and decomposedPam. Not to mention, Fiona Shaw as Marnie and possessedMarnie- two distinct characters.

I was incredibly happy to see Felix (Terry's rescue armadillo) in the last ep. But here's the deal with that: I think the writers mentioned Felix (when Terry was giving Arlene his list of good qualities- a monologue that showed he was more than a one-off character) on a whim. Looking at the scene with Felix, the actor seems to be quite uncomfortable with the little creature. Terry's wearing gloves and at one point, he kind of shakes the armadillo. How much do you wanna be that armadillos pee when they're nervous?

However, I enjoyed that fanservice and all the other fanservice the show is giving us this season.

I can't wait to see how it unfolds.